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segunda-feira, 29 de junho de 2009

Trying no to be so hard on myself...

a blog is an art. either all the world will read about you, or no one will. kinda what I have here. well, anyway, sometimes is good to have something to free the mind on.

I don't know why, but I felt like this post should be in english. Actually, maybe all posts next will be. I need to practice my english, if I still plan on doing the IELTS.
sometimes I stop and laugh at myself for even thinking about this crazy plan. It's so far away. But, honest, it's what keeps me going.
Not that I would kill myself or anything, as the last sentence probably looks like, but I would give up on anything. And that, fellow unexistant readers, is worst than death.
Imagine me, married to the first dumbass who says I'm kinda preety, some kids around, fat, surely, being a teacher somewhere, writting somethings, maybe. Ew, just imagining that makes me wanna vomit.
I haven't even written anymore. all my imagination has gone. and hope relies on one place. London.
Now there's a movie coming out here in BR. about the brazilian guy who got killed by the London police. I know this movie will rise even more the discussions on "are you nuts, they don't treat foreigners well, you will suffer and come back fast, you will call home crying everyday."
You know what? Even if I do suffer, even if it sucks, I won't come back. I won't call home. I've got my pride, anyway. And nothing will make me give up on this dream. Not this, cause it's probably the last one I have.
Well, there's something I can say on my behalf about this movie and the thoughts it will rise. This people, this guy, he went to England without anything, without even speaking english. I plan on going to study, on one of England's finest colleges, because I know I can. Because I have spent 4 years at college here studying English literature and language, and that has become my life. I'm not some stupid dreaming on having a better life on a foreign country. I am prepared, or at least I'm preparing myself, so I can compare with natives, and be not treated as low-budget labourer. Of course I might have to work on cheap jobs, at first, and I'll do it, cause there's nothing wrong on mopping floors and waiting on tables. People complain a lot. The difference between me and these people is that they are brazilians leaving the country they love to go try to be someone abroad. I'm someone without a nation looking for a country to love, and serve.

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